Live Tweeting President Obama’s State of the Union Speech

Well the last time I live tweeted an Obama speech people really seemed to enjoy it so I figured, why not, I’ll take on the State of the Union too. So here you go… all my tweets from last nights speech and from the Republican response given by Bob McDonnell. My point in bla bla translating the two speeches wasn’t necessarily that they were poorly delivered (and actually I think McDonnell did a pretty amazing job in his speech) but, rather, that, like nearly all modern political speeches, they are nearly meaningless rehashing of already known, and even decades old, talking points surrounded by overwhelming heaps of tired rhetorical tricks and lots of bla bla.

Anyway, enjoy:

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla hey guys bla bla bla the constitution says I gotta bore you to death tonight

Obama: bla bla bla bla I inherited a mess just like the world wars bla bla *Biden head shake* bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla random small town reference bla bla bla wall street hates children bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla this is the hardest presidency EVAH bla bla bla *fox letting teleprompter screens in the frame* bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla bla I healed the economy bla bla bla but not really bla bla but I will

Obama: bla bla bla bla taxes are fun and good for the economy bla bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla taxes arent fun and so I killed them all bla bla bla bla *obvious politician joke* hahahahahahahah bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla *harry reid falls asleep* bla bla bla *Pelosi displays no emotion or appearance of humanity* bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla the stimulus is totally awesome, come on guys, stop laughing bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla ok, so, never mind about the stimulus working bla bla bla bla lets do it again anyway! bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla bla *head swivel* bla bla bla bla bla bla *head swivel* bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla lets eliminate the capitol gains tax bla bla bla bla lets re-institute the WPA also!

Obama: bla bla I want to give a shout out to *looks at back of guitar* THE HOUSE!!! bla bla and lets not forget *looks again* THE SENATE!

Obama: bla bla bla bla people told me not to do stuff bla bla bla bla but I said hell no man! *slow serious head shake from Biden*

Obama: bla bla bla bla the US sucks at stuff compared to China and Germany bla bla USA USA USA USA!!! bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla solar power *crikets* bla bla bla bla nuclear power *cheering* bla bla bla oil drilling *cheering*

Obama: bla bla bla bla just kidding about oil and coal *puts on gotcha face* bla bla bla cap and trade!

Obama: bla bla bla bla exports will double because I want them to bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla *clapping* bla *clapping* bl*clapping* bla bla *clapping*

Obama: bla bla bla bla government schools suck bla bla bla bla solution? More government! bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla universal college! bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla universal healthcare! bla bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla I suck at politics bla bla bla bla bla insurance companies are evil bla bla bla fat kids

Obama: bla bla bla bla bla *dust off trusty talking points that have worked so well before* bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla seriously, your gonna like my health plan eventually bla bla bla bla seriously

Obama: bla bla dude, Bush made me spend all that money bla bla bla bla just statin’ the facts

Obama: bla bla bla bla *fox cuts to weird overhead view* bla bla bla belt tightening

Obama: bla bla bla bla bipartisanship bla bla *random democrat* bla bla bla *random republican*

Obama: bla bla I never believed all that crap I spewed on the campaign trail bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla Democrats have massive majority bla bla Republicans stop blocking everything we do!!! bla

Obama: bla bla bla bla I’m like Kennedy and Reagan combined and will rid the world of nukes bla bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla Iran is gonna get it bla bla bla bla you know, eventually

Obama: bla bla bla America rocks

Obama: bla bla bla bla oh yea, I almost forgot, dont ask dont tell bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla dude, dont you guys remember my slogan? bla bla bla bla

Obama: bla bla *random average person quote* bla bla bla bla *random average person quote* bla

Obama: bla bla bla God Da– Bless the United States of America bla bla bla bla *republicans rush out* Thank you *the end*

Now for the McDonnell translation:

McDonnell: bla bla bla Republican bla bla bla jobs bla bla jobs bla jobs

McDonnell: bla bla unemployment is high bla bla bla jobs are the answer bla

McDonnell: bla the stimulus sucks bla bla bla jobs

McDonnell: bla bla bla bla children bla bla grandchildren bla bla bla

McDonnell: bla bla big government is bad bla bla bla bla limited government is good

McDonnell: bla Obamacare sucks bla bla bla bla Obamacare sucks bla bla

McDonnell: bla Virginia’s got lots of oil bla bla bla bla

McDonnell: bla bla bla bla *Asian glasses guy shakes head* bla bla

McDonnell: bla bla bla I and the president agree bla bla bla but not really at all

McDonnell: bla bla bla bla *randomly drop scott brown’s name* bla bla bla bla

McDonnell: bla bla big government is bad bla bla bla limited government is good

McDonnell: bla bla bla bla USA USA USA USA!!! bla bla bla

McDonnell: bla bla bla God Bless America bla bla thank you *the end*